My Account

  • Order History
  • Track Orders
  • Account
  • Blog
Share
Shop All Categories
  • Nursing
    • Bras
    • Pillows
    • Covers
    • Nipple Shields
    • Milk Bands
  • Pumping
    • Pumps
      • Free Breast Pumps
    • Bras
    • Pump Parts
    • Breast Shields
    • Milk Storage
      • Bottles
      • Bags
    • Baby Bottles
  • On The Go
    • Baby Carriers
      • Slings
      • Wraps
    • Diaper Bags
      • Breast Pump Bags
      • Backpacks
      • Cooler Bags
      • Clutches
  • Care & Comfort
    • Nursing Pads
    • Nipple Cream
    • Gel Pads
  • Milk Production
  • Fun & Gifts
    • Mugs
    • Water bottles
    • Jewelry
      • Bracelets
      • Earrings
      • Necklaces
      • Pins & Charms
      • Rings
Breastfeeding Bliss
  • Cart

Free shipping. 30-day returns.

Zero worries.

Categories

  • Nursing
    • Bras
    • Pillows
    • Covers
    • Nipple Shields
    • Milk Bands
  • Pumping
    • Pumps
      • Free Breast Pumps
    • Bras
    • Pump Parts
    • Breast Shields
    • Milk Storage
      • Bottles
      • Bags
    • Baby Bottles
  • On The Go
    • Baby Carriers
      • Slings
      • Wraps
    • Diaper Bags
      • Breast Pump Bags
      • Backpacks
      • Cooler Bags
      • Clutches
  • Care & Comfort
    • Nursing Pads
    • Nipple Cream
    • Gel Pads
  • Milk Production
  • Fun & Gifts
    • Mugs
    • Water bottles
    • Jewelry
      • Bracelets
      • Earrings
      • Necklaces
      • Pins & Charms
      • Rings

Brands

  • Medela
  • Lansinoh
  • Moby Wrap
  • Udder Covers
  • Ju-Ju-Be
  • Petunia Pickle Bottom
  • LilleBaby Carriers
  • Vilah Bloom
  • LeMystere
  • Spectra
  • Nuk
  • Contours Baby
  • Beachfront Baby
  • Snugabell Mom & Baby
  • Bravado Designs
  • Calypso
  • Ameda
  • Hygeia
  • Kiinde
Home > Blog > How Much Time Is "Enough" Quality Time With My Kids Each Day?

How Much Time Is "Enough" Quality Time With My Kids Each Day?

For the first two years of parenthood, spending quality time with Mae was a no-brainer. Not only was she an old child, but she was so demanding of our time that there wasn’t any way we could spend less than A LOT of quality time with her. 

Then Dylan came along. When I was pregnant with her, I worried a lot about how we would ensure that Mae didn’t feel slighted in any way, while still helping her to understand that we also needed to share our love and attention with her new little sister. Not an easy task.


So when Dylan was born, we over-indexed on showing Mae extra attention. We would plan special outings with just one of us so she could have one-on-one time; I would still put her to bed every other night (Nate and I alternate the bedtime routines), even though it was tough since Dylan wanted to breastfeed all evening. 

Mae transitioned fairly seamlessly out of her “only-child” world, either because of our efforts or because she was young enough that she just rolled with the punches. We felt like we were out of the weeds.

Fast forward two years. The honeymoon period is over, and we’re not 100% focused every day on divvying out the perfect amount of attention to each of our girls. Sure, we love spending time and playing with them, but life takes over – work, chores, activities – and it becomes more challenging. The other night, I found myself feeling guilty yet again about not spending enough quality time with them that day, and then I stopped myself with this question: How much IS “enough” quality time each day? Am I really not spending enough quality time with them, or are my expectations just off?

Of course, no one can tell you exactly how much is enough quality time for you and your children – only you can decide that – but I thought it was worth doing some exploring to see what I could find on the topic. 

Do we spend more or less time with our kids these days?

The first thing I wondered is whether we actually spend more time or less time with our kids nowadays than parents did in previous generations. When I was a kid, my parents and grandparents were certainly always around, but I remember playing with my sister while they cooked or did housework – not so much a ton of time playing with them, specifically. I thought about the stories my parents have told me (leaving the house in the morning to play with friends and not returning until dinner time), and it sounds like their parents spent even LESS time with them. So, my hypothesis was that we actually spend more time with our kids today than parents have in the past.

And, I was correct! The Economist covered an interesting study showing that we spend twice as much time caring for our kids now as parents did 50 years ago. In 1965, parents spent about 52 minutes a day with their kids, and now we spend about 104. (BTW, I particularly like that Denmark parents spent about 5 minutes a day with their kids back in 1965 – how did they pull that off??)



Here’s something else to think about – only 35% of women worked outside the home back in 1965, and today, that’s true for more than 83% of women. So…we’re spending more time with our kids, AND we’re holding down jobs, and we’re still convinced we’re not doing enough. Why?

Two words: mom guilt. Our deep-ingrained desire/need to mother and care for our children is at conflict with our desire/need to work, and we feel guilty too much of the time. Amy Dugan, attorney at King & Fisher, describes working mom guilt as a “feeling that creeps in every so often that you aren't spending enough time with your children, and that by working, you're somehow not doing what is best for your children." 

What is “quality” time?

Ok, so we’ve established that we’re actually spending twice as much time with our children as our grandparents spent with their children, and the reason we still feel guilty has a lot to do with work and competing priorities. On to my next question: how do I define “quality” time?

When I add up how much time I spend with my kids each weekday, as their sole caregiver, it’s 6 hours. Because I work remote, I also get to see them during the work day when I pop out of my office (or they bust in), but I certainly wouldn’t consider that to be quality time. 

During that 6 hours, a lot of it is spent doing everyday life things…feeding them breakfast and dinner, getting them dressed, giving them baths, etc. Certainly there is play time in there as well, but most of the time, Mae and Dylan are playing together while I sort laundry, do dishes, or tidy the house. So, I wouldn’t consider that to be quality time with me. 

I guess, when I stop to think about, I consider quality time to be those moments when I give my complete, undivided attention to my kids and play with them – chasing them, having a tea party, coloring, etc. I love these moments, but inevitably, they don’t last very long, as I’m interrupted by the need to set the table or answer a late work call. And, of course, I feel guilty about that. 

And back to my original question…how much is “enough” quality time?

I took an amazing online course by Amy McCready called Positive Parenting Solutions (you might have heard of it before!), and she recommends spending at least 10 minutes per day of uninterrupted, quality time with each of your children separately. To me, 10 minutes a day feels like a good number. Some of you might think that’s too little, and some might think it sounds impossible to squeeze another thing in your day! But, on the days when I successfully focus on each of my kids for 10 solid minutes and play whatever they want to play, I feel pretty good. And on days when it just didn’t happen for us, I snuggle with Mae after I’ve read to her at night, and we spend a few minutes talking about how our day went. It’s cathartic for both of us. ðŸ˜Š

My personal opinion is that us moms need to be easier on ourselves. We’re juggling so much, and while we may feel that we’re not spending enough quality time with our kids, they may not feel that way at all! As long as we’re loving our children every day, I think we’re doing a pretty great job.




About Katie Stansberry

Katie Stansberry is a work-remote mom of two sweet girls and the creator of Breastfeeding Bliss. After struggling at the beginning of her breastfeeding journey, she wanted to create a happy place where breastfeeding moms could find practical tips, positive inspiration, and the newest and best breastfeeding products. On her "Back to Bliss" breastfeeding blog, she shares her personal stories and tips for making breastfeeding and motherhood an easier and more enjoyable experience.

Share
Read More Posts

Mom-approved favorites to check out...

Sail Away Satchel Diaper Bag by Vilah Bloom, Award-Winning - Zip Top (Color: Navy)
Sail Away Satchel Diaper Bag by Vilah Bloom, Award-Winning - Zip Top (Color: Navy)
$182.95
Summer Fun Mustard Yellow Adjustable Nursing Cover in 100% Cotton (Size: Regular)
Summer Fun Mustard Yellow Adjustable Nursing Cover in 100% Cotton (Size: Regular)
$29.95
Spectra 9Plus Breast Pump, Electric, Portable & Rechargeable - Mini
Spectra 9Plus Breast Pump, Electric, Portable & Rechargeable - Mini
$179.95
Blush Sprigs & Blooms Small Diaper Clutch Bag by Golden Finch Co
Blush Sprigs & Blooms Small Diaper Clutch Bag by Golden Finch Co
$49.95
Breastfeed & Chill White Ceramic Coffee Mug for Breastfeeding Moms (Size: 11 oz.)
Breastfeed & Chill White Ceramic Coffee Mug for Breastfeeding Moms (Size: 11 oz.)
$19.95
Boxy Backpack Diaper Bag w/ 2-Way Straps by Petunia Pickle Bottom (Color: Minnie Factor Blush)
Boxy Backpack Diaper Bag w/ 2-Way Straps by Petunia Pickle Bottom (Color: Minnie Factor Blush)
$220.95
Milk Drunk Hard Enamel Pin w/ Gold Detail for Breastfeeding Moms
Milk Drunk Hard Enamel Pin w/ Gold Detail for Breastfeeding Moms
$14.95
Gray Days/Pink Flowers Adjustable Nursing Cover in Regular or Large (Size: Regular)
Gray Days/Pink Flowers Adjustable Nursing Cover in Regular or Large (Size: Regular)
$32.95
Be Quick Wristlet Diaper Bag by Ju-Ju-Be, Classic Collection – Small (Fabric: Queen of the Nile)
Be Quick Wristlet Diaper Bag by Ju-Ju-Be, Classic Collection – Small (Fabric: Queen of the Nile)
$23.95
Moby Ring Sling for Baby & Toddler – Adjustable, One Size Fits All (Color: Silver Streak)
Moby Ring Sling for Baby & Toddler – Adjustable, One Size Fits All (Color: Silver Streak)
$52.95
Mama Shark Needs Water 34 oz Water Bottle for Breastfeeding Moms
Mama Shark Needs Water 34 oz Water Bottle for Breastfeeding Moms
$24.95
Bebitza 4-in-1 Nursing Cover in Soft Textured Knit by Primo Baby (Color: Pink)
Bebitza 4-in-1 Nursing Cover in Soft Textured Knit by Primo Baby (Color: Pink)
$49.95

Information

  • About
  • Contact Us
  • Returns
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms & Conditions
  • Baby Feeding Calculator
  • FAQs

My Account

  • My Account
  • Order History
  • Track Orders
  • Address Book

Let's get social.

440-606-6585
1657 Mentor Ave,
Painesville, OH 44077

Breastfeeding Bliss
© Breastfeeding Bliss. All Rights Reserved. Designed by KREATIVE
Our website uses cookies to make your browsing experience better. By using our site you agree to our use of cookies. Learn More I Agree
× What Are Cookies As is common practice with almost all professional websites this site uses cookies, which are tiny files that are downloaded to your computer, to improve your experience. This page describes what information they gather, how we use it and why we sometimes need to store these cookies. We will also share how you can prevent these cookies from being stored however this may downgrade or 'break' certain elements of the sites functionality. For more general information on cookies see the Wikipedia article on HTTP Cookies. How We Use Cookies We use cookies for a variety of reasons detailed below. Unfortunately in most cases there are no industry standard options for disabling cookies without completely disabling the functionality and features they add to this site. It is recommended that you leave on all cookies if you are not sure whether you need them or not in case they are used to provide a service that you use. Disabling Cookies You can prevent the setting of cookies by adjusting the settings on your browser (see your browser Help for how to do this). Be aware that disabling cookies will affect the functionality of this and many other websites that you visit. Disabling cookies will usually result in also disabling certain functionality and features of the this site. Therefore it is recommended that you do not disable cookies. The Cookies We Set
Account related cookies If you create an account with us then we will use cookies for the management of the signup process and general administration. These cookies will usually be deleted when you log out however in some cases they may remain afterwards to remember your site preferences when logged out. Login related cookies We use cookies when you are logged in so that we can remember this fact. This prevents you from having to log in every single time you visit a new page. These cookies are typically removed or cleared when you log out to ensure that you can only access restricted features and areas when logged in. Form related cookies When you submit data to through a form such as those found on contact pages or comment forms cookies may be set to remember your user details for future correspondence. Site preference cookies In order to provide you with a great experience on this site we provide the functionality to set your preferences for how this site runs when you use it. In order to remember your preferences we need to set cookies so that this information can be called whenever you interact with a page is affected by your preferences.
Third Party Cookies In some special cases we also use cookies provided by trusted third parties. The following section details which third party cookies you might encounter through this site.
This site uses Google Analytics which is one of the most widespread and trusted analytics solution on the web for helping us to understand how you use the site and ways that we can improve your experience. These cookies may track things such as how long you spend on the site and the pages that you visit so we can continue to produce engaging content. For more information on Google Analytics cookies, see the official Google Analytics page. We also use social media buttons and/or plugins on this site that allow you to connect with social network in various ways. For these to work, the social networks may set cookies through our site which may be used to enhance your profile on their site, or contribute to other purposes outlined in their respective privacy policies.